Things are strange these days, very surreal. I feel like I’m drifting, floating in a deep haze. Objects that come within my line of vision is somehow unrecognizable for what they once resemble.
I don’t know if anyone knows or can enlighten me on the relevance of “10,000″ days but I am seeing it EVERYWHERE.
Be forewarned, this post will most likely be extremely lengthy and personal. I doubt anyone will really read it since my blog’s not exactly top 10 popular but I write more of a need to express myself and release what is inside of me in a written, somewhat coherent fashion. Plus it helps me get clear on a few things that running around in my head….at the end of the day, the only person I have and trust explicitly is myself. And even then, some of the choices I make in life has me baffled to the level of knowingness I really have.
To shed some light into the background of my current state of being, I’ll briefly (let’s hope) summarize the events of my life that’s taken place in the last couple of months. As usually, I’ll just write what comes to mind uncensored.
I realized today that the 10,000 days reference is in play once again in the numerology of things in my life. I was thinking of my youngest niece who I absolutely adore and has brought me so much love and joy into my life. She called me yesterday to tell me that she got her ears pierced and is very happy with her pink flower earrings she has to wear while her earring holes heal. Just last weekend, she was here and under my supervision, her new found no training wheels bike riding skills blossomed before our eyes. At such a young age, she is experiencing new positive things in life that will have a profound impact on the rest of her life. I remember learning to ride a bike on my own, never used training wheels at all and crashed a bunch of times but in a couple of days, I tasted that first sense of freedom.
She is eight and a half years old now and it has been a very strange time for me to look at her in her innocent, childlike, carefree manner and not feel a twinge of heartache at what I had to endure at approximately the same age she is today. Ever since her impending 8th birthday, I knew that this year was going to be a major shift for me in the many ways I see myself and my life.
I don’t talk much or in depth about that time in my life as it is something that still to this day haunt me and probably overshadows a lot of my perception of life and relationships I’ve had to this very day….plus I know I’ve blocked out a lot of it in my mind.
As a young child, I was uprooted more than I should have been and the most major one was when I was 8yrs old where my family moved from Hong Kong to the USA to finally reunite with my dad. Needless to say, it was the kind of shift that HAS to impact a person’s life, for the rest of their life.
Looking at my niece now, this delicate flower, I can’t imagine or ever wish for her or anyone to ever have to go through something as traumatic as I had gone through….to be lifted out of everything I’d ever known and people I loved, friends I had, my entire surrounding and the way I communicated was completely challenged….then basically dumped into a new environment that was vastly different without any knowledge of the language or be able to communicate with anyone around me in school, “it was hard” is putting it mildly.
My parents worked a lot and I basically knew at a young age that I HAD to fend for myself and pretty much be my own savior and comfort. I’m not going to get in depth about this time in my life here but I just realize that 10,000 days which is a little over 27 years is basically NOW from that age of 8. I’m 35yrs old currently and it’s ironic how that 10,000 number keeps on showing up, like it’s got a message for me to decode. Things seem to always come full circle and I look at the 9 month time span that really put me at the beginning of my journey this time around in March when I decided that it was time. Time for what? I do not know, it was just time…for some changes. 9 is also a significant number in my life and I see a lot of completions happening in the 9s which in numerology is about finales. I just find it quite poignant that it shows up just like that in many instances throughout my experiences in this lifetime.
First and foremost, the 10,000 days reference started as the title of my favorite band TOOL’s last album along with their song called 10,000 days that I feel I relate to very much….the line that makes the reference and copied off of http://toolshed.down.net/lyrics/10kdayslyrics.php …
“High is the way, but all eyes are upon the ground.
You were the light and the way they’ll only read about.
I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out.
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough;
You’re going home.”
I love this song. I long to be home…to be at peace…to feel nothing else but my heart, my soul bursting with love and contentment. To know of nothing else and just BE.
…..I kind of lost myself there for a moment (30 minutes or so just sitting and feeling) imagining that feeling. Now I’m not sure what I want to say…guess this will be a multi-part post.
Time for some lunch! Will continue with part 2 later.
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