Jean Eng Blog

Lately, I’ve been doing some soul searching…self evaluation of who I am and what I like and dislike.

I’ve realized through the interactions with people and solitary contemplation that I really have strong views on the way things ought to be in my life and the kinds of exchanges I enjoy having around me.

There is much to be said for having life experience, especially in dealing with romantic relationships. I’ve lived long enough and have gone through good and bad things that has given me perspective which sets my wants, needs, and likes into a firm stance…basically an ideal for ME.

Not my job to judge someone else or even suggest how they should be or live their lives. It’s never my intention to force my opinions onto someone else to take on and play out but I do like to give advice. I always tell my younger brother how if he actually listen to some of the things I spew out of my mouth, in time he’ll realize some of the wisdom in my words. ….but the truth will become apparent after he has gone through many more life experiences of his own.

My mind tends to wander while I’m cruising the streets, better to contemplate life than to be pissed off at the aggressive assholes trying to get one car ahead in rush hour traffic in front of me. What’s up with that? Are you really that much closer to your destination than I am? What’s your hurry anyway?

I’ve noticed that when I drive, I tend to be away from other cars. I don’t like to follow others and I can care less if people are trailing behind me. If anything, I’d like to move away from other vehicles for my own peaceful state of mind.

I’ve realized that I am not a crowd follower and never have been really. I tend to be the decision maker in groups and am the first one to lead the way. ….but I don’t have to be and often enjoy the ride. Although I am quick to NOT go along if I find the ride distasteful to my liking.

Straight and narrow roads are boring to me. I LOVE driving around curves and wide open turns. I LOVE taking the scenic route and take my good ol’ time doing so. I LOVE interesting sensory stimulations around me. I LOVE seeing the beauty in most everything I encounter. What little joy I do get in driving itself is the anticipation of a familiar windy road where I can go a bit fast when no one is around. Never wanting to endanger someone else, I just find it thrilling to be on the edge, at least for a little while. Quite often though, my bliss is spoiled by some slow poke being overly cautious weaving around the bend in front of me. It makes me think about how reflective this driving behavior is enacted in other areas of their life. …And how many others I have allowed to step into my life just to delay what I genuinely find pleasurable. I’ve realized that I don’t want to deny myself any longer of my bliss in life.

No I don’t drive like I own the road, I drive as if I’m totally in sync with it and can anticipate the actions of other drivers around me. I am ONE with my vehicle and the paths I choose…thank god for GPS though! Used to get lost a lot but now, I can always find my way home…

“Finding my way home”….great metaphor for our state of being, our natural tendencies, unclouded by judgments of the world, society..or swayed by the masses. Who are “they” really to tell me who I am or what I should be?

“Home” to me is synonymous with inner peace And no matter where the path leads me in life, no matter what good or bad things happen along the way, I am certain that I will always find my way “home”…I’ve seen ample proof of that!

I am a super driver….but am soooo ready for a chaffeur who can drive me around the way I desire and allow me to just enjoy the ride….

I had a lot of energy earlier and went on 2 walks along with working out on the airclimber. Overall, I did almost 9 miles today with 4.5 miles being the long afternoon walk on a trail.

I kept on seeing all these clover patches along the sides of the trail and really had it set in my mind that I’d like to find a 4 leaf clover. When I was a kid, I used to find them all the time, they just seem to pop out at me when I look down.

Well today was no different. Toward the end of my walk, I passed by a clover patch and there it was, staring back at me with its 4 petals!

“ooh!! 4 leaf clover!!”

I picked it up and took it home with me. By the time I got it home, it was starting to wilt. It’s not a totally perfect looking clover since some bugs decided it was good eating!

Here’s a pic of the 4 leaf clover I found earlier:

Maybe the clover will bring me some luck! I could definitely use it…

Earlier tonight my sister in law called me to ask about the recommended N95 filtration masks or respirators. Apparently she had gone out shopping with the kids today and couldn’t find any at the retail stores they visited.

I hadn’t been following this swine flu thing as I don’t watch the news. She filled me in on a little bit of what’s happening around this area and 3 of the schools in Maryland has been closed temporarily for fear of the virus. Being she’s got 3 kids in school, there’s concern for their health and safety so she wanted to at least have the masks on hand just in case they need it.

I looked online and was blown away by how “out of stock” most of the online retailers are to carrying the N95 respirators. Many of the websites I found had a statement about the overwhelming demand and depleted supply with shipment time being 3-5 weeks. I guess the manufacturers can’t pump them out fast enough. I’m sure the makers of these respirators’ stock has gone up due to this scare.

Some stores are upping their price on what little supply they do have but surprisingly, I found that Restockit actually are having a sale on the items related to fighting this swine flu! My sister in law decided to order the 3M Nexcare earloop filtration mask with the free shipping. There’s a note on their site stating it would take 5-10 days to ship out due to the demand but that’s a lot quicker than some sites that say weeks!!

I think these ones will fit the kids better since the round dust mask respirators tend to be a bit too big for their faces. Plus I think earloop soft masks are a bit more comfortable to wear which is always good for kids. They also sell hand sanitizers on their site. My sister in law said some stores she went to was out of stock on those too. I guess everyone is stocking up just in case.

I think I may order some of the 3M Nexcare Earloop Masks myself. They would be more comfortable to wear when I’m weed whacking…plus I can always pretend like I’m a doctor! :laughing: